Time and the Rani Episode 3

Season 24@30. Ah, part 3. Most Doctor Who stories of old had a part 3 in which as little as possible happened but they had to do something to fill in the time. Nowadays you don’t get Part 3isms because there isn’t time but this is a` perfect` example of the artform. Plus I've been thinking that if you’re a Time Lord then you might already know more about time than a load of geniuses from Earth’s history or maybe if you didn’t you’d perhaps consider capturing geniuses who would actually know about time other than the Doctor. The Rani’s plan is just a bit difficult to grasp.

I think the campness of the first episode was preferable to this rather skittish third in which characters come and go, get captured, escape, get captured again and generally run about though all in no particular order and not much more purpose. All of which is accompanied by incidental music that thinks something really important is happening.

The tone is set by the feeble way the Doctor escapes the cliffhanger. About to be mauled by Tetraps for whom he’d make a far juicier meal than the slime that is pumped in to divert them, he is rescued by Beyus whose name may as well be Plot Device. I know P & J are trying to make a point about collaborating with the enemy for the greater good but this just means the character can do whatever is necessary to keep the threadbare plot ticking over. I was recently reminded that one time when a group of us went to Newcastle we randomly chose a pub which turned out to have Donald Pickering’s portrait on the wall. No, he wasn’t dressed as Beyus.

My favourite bit of awkward plotting is when the Doctor is told to go to the Centre of Leisure only so P&J can show off the reason why the Lakertyans are so compliant. It is because if they show an inkling to rebel she’ll release some lethal insects from a glitterball like structure hanging from the ceiling. Yet we’ve just learned the Lakertyans can come and go as they please so all they have to do is plan their rebellion somewhere else like the Centre of Retail or the Centre of Coloured Fabric. This Leisure Centre incidentally would be naff even for the 1980s and seems to consist of people lounging about on sofas and lift music.

"It does have a soggy bottom don't you think Paul?"

After the teasing we finally meet what is up those steps and behind the door which turns out to be a talking pink brain. Of course, in a story like this what else could it possibly be?  This is presented unprotected as if sitting on a table and chats away without an obvious mouth but by this stage logic has left the planet. Watching this thing I couldn’t help thinking that if The Great British Bake Off had been going in 1987 someone would have made this as their showstopper.

I did have some hope that this ramshackle story might redeem itself but at this point it is un-rescuable. What really stands out is how amateurishly it is choreographed and staged. Almost every fall is awkward- there’s a dreadful example here when Beyus tumbles- almost every escape or capture unconvincing. There is no sense of place – if you weren’t concentrating it would just look as if lots of people wearing silly costumes are running about making a spoof student film. All the talk of time manipulation and “this corner of the Universe” being destroyed count for nothing because the production never suggests anything at all is at stake except perhaps the cast’s dignity.