DWM's Third Doctor World Cup!

Can you imagine the characters from the Third Doctor’s era taking to the football pitch? The Doctor sporting velvet shorts and a cape, Jo Grant stopping to pick daisies, the Autons walking rather than running, the Sea Devils preferring the dressing room bath to the outdoors. Alpha Centauri in goal of course. This is actually not what DWM’s Third Doctor World Cup is about at all. To celebrate fifty years since the Big P became the third Doctor, their Twitter page has been running what must be one of the most fun Doctor Who related ideas in a long time. Based on the format of soccer’s biggest competition the process divided Jon Pertwee’s stories into random groups and then asked people to vote for their favourite in each group. The story with the fewest votes was knocked out. As we’re used to polls in which you award a mark for each story or episode, this process brings with it all the fascination and frustration any football fan will recognise with mismatched draws, very closely fought contests, shock eliminations and unexpected results. It also shows from the first round how consistent a period in the show’s history this was with some excellent stories exiting right away. Goodness knows how hard it would be to vote like this in a Fourth Doctor poll.

The Third Doctor's goalkeeping skills were legendary!

Controversially` The Five Doctors` was included despite the fact that everyone knows it is a Fifth Doctor story in which the Third Doctor guested. This decision meant that to make the numbers fit one bona fide Pertwee story had to go in an elimination before the thing got underway. That sadly was `Monster of Peladon`. I can imagine Eckersley shrugging and declaring “All this Twitter argy bargy is nothing to do with me”. So soz Azaxyr and co you didn’t even make it to the main bit. `The Time Monster` on the other hand somehow flew through into the finals a tad more elegantly than Kronos ever managed.

So to the First Round results

Spearhead from Space 53% / The Sea Devils 31% / Eliminated - Mind of Evil 16%

An assured win which was probably celebrated by Channing standing behind some frosted glass with just the tiniest hint of a smile. Captain Hart on the other hand will be looking a little worried though Walker probably used the result as an excuse to buy his third breakfast of the day. Sayonara though to the Keller Machine as the first – but not the last – of The Master’s stories to depart early. It’s a tough choice this one as each of the stories has a different timbre and I found it almost impossible to choose between `The Sea Devils` and `Spearhead` as both would be in my top 10 Third Doctor stories.

Channing said: “Triumph! Total triumph!”

The Daemons 69% /Death to the Daleks 26% / Eliminated - The Mutants 5%

A more obvious victory for a story you’d expect to be one of the favourites to win the whole thing but I was surprised by the strong showing of `Death to the Daleks` as it’s not often held up as being one of the best Pertwee’s. Just goes to show sand, mud and Welsh choirs have more appeal than we might imagine. Another longer story bites the dust despite the Mutts who would surely have scored higher had this been a Doctor Who Monster World Cup…now there’s an idea!

The Master said: “As my will so vote it be!”

Day of the Daleks  39% / Carnival of Monsters 32% / Eliminated- The Time Warrior 29%

A close result with only 10% separating this trio of strong stories. Did the Daleks carry the day in the end? On the face of it the other two adventures contain the better performances yet there is an appeal about `Day` which clearly still holds sway. Even now Lynx is planning to travel back in time to re-arrange things at Alderley House and perhaps help himself to some of that cheese.

The Controller said: “Maybe its me who will win this thing!” Professor Rubeish said “Rubbish!”

The Day of the Daleks team coming onto the pitch at the start of the match

Curse of Peladon 45% / Invasion of the Dinosaurs 41% / Eliminated  - Colony in Space 5%

Another Master six parter bites the dust probably fairly despite all the ideas it contains. Interesting that `Invasion of the Dinosaurs` seems now to be appreciated for being the well written story it is rather than through the prism of woolly dinosaur puppets. It comes close to beating the first Peladon story but Izlyr can boast a much better showing than his mate Azaxyr managed and there’ll be much boasting on Mars later.

King Peladon of Peladon said “Come on Peladon!” 

Inferno 48% / The Three Doctors 32% / Eliminated- The Five Doctors 20%

I don’t want to repeat myself but `The Five Doctors` is a FIFTH DOCTOR STORY!! Unless we’re counting for example `Day of the Doctor` as a Tennant story are we? Anyhow the real surprise here is that `Inferno` manages a convincing victory over the nostalgic `Three Doctors` which would presumably qualify for the Second Doctor World Cup?? Eyepatches, gloves and falling off storage tanks still gets the applause 49 years later!

The Brigade Leader said “I turned round and everyone was voting for me”  The Second Doctor said; “Oh my giddy wordinghood. I rather thought this was my story didn’t you Zamie?”

Ambassadors of Death 36% / Planet of the Daleks 35% / Eliminated – Claws of Axos 29%

I am so pleased about this group result close though it is. For years, even decades, `Ambassadors` languished somewhere at the back yet finally it seems like people are seeing it for the rich story it is. The Daleks’ popularity endures as all their stories got through the first round but `Claws’ showing is surprisingly strong demonstrating continued orange appeal.

Pigbin Josh said; “Ooo are, ooare, oo arr. arrrr”

Terror of the Autons 44% / The Silurans 40% / Eliminated- Frontier in Space 16%

Two large scale stories beaten by a compact 4 parter suggests fans are tiring of the longer epics several of which lost their place in the first round. The more unexpected result though is that `Terror` beat `The Silurians`. `Frontier` has always been an acquired taste, I can see why a lot of fans don’t care much for it though I really like it.

Jo Grant said; “Groovy” The President of Earth said; “I demand a recount. This is fake news”

The Green Death 62% / Planet of the Daleks 25% /Eliminated – The Time Monster 11%

This comprehensive win sees the giant maggots and BOSS fend off the Plain of Scones and elimination survivor Kronos but the result suggests it was not really competitive at all. Like a top team `Green Death` will face stronger opposition down the line. A fourth six part Master story goes here, the fifth of the bearded jackanapes’ tales to be knocked out. Mind you he can’t sing like BOSS can.

BOSS sang: “Victor-y, victor-y…” The Master said; “It’s not fair…”

 

The Green Death team decide who is taking the penalty

After half time oranges, courtesy of Axos..it’s Round 2

Spearhead from Space 78% / Eliminated- Death to the Daleks 22%

Strong win for the Nestene / Auton combo who seem to be everyone’s favourite monsters right now. `Death` did well to make the second round so Bellal and his mate and his mate’s mate shouldn’t be too disheartened as they head off for Exxillon choir practice.

Sam Seeley said: “Victory I calls it”

Day of the Daleks 65%/ Eliminated- Invasion of the Dinosaurs 35%

`Day` wins the, er, day which should mean more raids on the well -stocked cellars of Alderly House.

The Doctor said; “You won it. You won it yourselves”

Inferno 71% / Eliminated - Planet of the Spiders 29%

`Inferno` is what sporting pundits would call the dark horse of the competition proving surprisingly popular and here trouncing the third Doctor’s finale by a surprisingly wide margin causing Lupton to open yet another can of beer. This exercise may be on Twitter but the stories that are performing strongly suggest older fans are doing much of the voting.

Prof Stahlman said: “All these so called experts didn’t think we could win but we have”

Terror of the Autons 67% / Eliminated - Planet of the Daleks 33%

Another Dalek story tumbles courtesy of the Autons as `Terror` continues its surprisingly strong progress. If this were Britain’s Got Talent or The X Factor, the second Auton story would be the contestant who was on “the most amazing journey” prompting the judges to give it a standing ovation.

The Master said “I am usually referred to as The Third Doctor World Cup Master”

The Daemons 60% / Eliminated - The Sea Devils 40%

Sadly the Sea Devils could not overcome the might of Azal in an unlucky draw for the string vest wearing turtles and the cloven hooved devil. So no victory swig for Trenchard but at least the Sea Devils can console themselves with inventing the compact disc a decade early. In contrast the villagers of Aldbourne are enjoying a knees up in the Cloven Hoof.

The Brigadier said “Three wins rapid? Yes, yes we can do that”

Carnival Of Monsters 60% / Eliminated - Curse of Peladon 40%

Third Doctor stories not set on Earth were a rarity and unfortunately two of them were drawn against each other here with the darker environs of Peladon losing out to the brighter walkways of Inter Minor.

The Carnival of Monsters team away colours raised a few eyebrows

The Three Doctors 65% / Eliminated - Ambassadors of Death 35%

Interestingly while `Ambassadors` won its first round group, `Three Doctors` came second in theirs but when the stories go head to head there is a very clear preference for the compact nostalgia of the latter. 

The first Doctor said: “Now stop dilly dallying- and win it!”

The Green Death 62% / Eliminated- The Silurians 38%

Ooo this was a tough one to vote for as I really couldn’t separate these two classics. In the end I plumped for `Green Death` due to its slightly stronger character work and so it seems did many others. The 24% gap between them doesn’t accurately reflect the fact that both are much loved stories which of course is why this exercise shouldn’t be seen as providing any definitive rating of the period.

Stevens said “What’s best for The Green Death is best for everyone, is best for you…..and we are the best!”

So after some in depth slow motion playback along with annotated diagram assisted allegory strewn analysis from studio experts Davros, Sutekh the Destroyer and Eldrad its back to the on the pitch action for the Quarter Finals

Spearhead from Space 66% / Eliminated- Day of the Daleks 34%

Channing and co march on with a convincing victory against the Controller. I suspect the game was lost by the Ogrons whose on the ball skills are not exactly precise. Anyway the final Dalek story is gone.

The Spearhead from Space team attack the goal

The Daemons 60% / Eliminated - Carnival of Monsters 40%

Having so far beaten `The Time Warrior` and `Curse of Peladon`, while coming second to `Day of the Daleks` in the first round, `Carnival` had yet to face a real big hitter and here is well beaten by the mighty hooves of Azal.  

Inferno 63% / Eliminated – Terror of the Autons 37%

Avoiding the potential for an all Auton semi -final, `Terror` falls to a story that is beginning to look invincible in this competition. 

The Three Doctors 50% / The Green Death 50%. A draw!!?

The other three quarter final results saw conclusive victories but this proved to be a close run thing. If it were a real World Cup these two stories would provide the game of the tournament. Every time I checked the result it was running at 50% each and that is how it finished. In a lack of understanding of football etiquette, DWM declared this a draw and sent both teams into the semi final. What about extra time? What about penalties? 

So there were, erm, five teams in the semi final a most peculiar scenario that had pundits scratching their heads.

Inferno 52% / Eliminated - Spearhead from Space 48%

A not too shabby showing from `Spearhead` is not quite enough to oust what must now be the clear favourite `Inferno` from it’s all conquering position. It is a puzzling result though in some ways and I wonder if a wider quorum of fans would really rather watch `Inferno` if you gave them the choice. You’ll notice too this result is the same as the EU Referendum and one imagines it might leave a similarly bitter taste in the mouth of the Nesteners as it has with Remainers. 

The Three Doctors 36% / Eliminated - The Green Death- 35% and The Daemons 29%

So in the end just one percentage point won it for `Three Doctors` with the presence of `The Daemons` presumably making the difference by taking votes from both. I would never have predicted this result from this trio of stores.

Third place play off result:

The Green Death 35% / Spearhead from Space 33% / The Daemons 32%

So the miners and the maggots are third which at least is something I voted for. One thing I’ve noticed during this exercise is a high difference between the story I chose and the eventual winner on a number of occasions. 

The Three Doctors talk team tactics before kick off

No team could withstand the Inferno style of play

The Final

Inferno 54% / The Three Doctors 46%

The two teams met earlier in the first round when `Inferno` beat `The Three Doctors` by a 16% margin and the story has won subsequent rounds with ease beating `Planet of the Spiders`, `Terror of the Autons` and `Spearhead from Space` by strong margins. After its second place in the first round `Three Doctors` defeated `Ambassadors of Death` before its drawn quarter final with `The Green Death` resulted in that weird three way semi in which is was able to finally narrowly see off those glowing miners with a little help from votes trickling in the direction of Aldebourne. So `Inferno` has had the easier draw on paper and indeed turned out to be the victor though without another story accompanying them that 16% gap was reduced to just 8% the closest any story has come to the all conquering Primords. We tried to get a quote from a Primord  but there was nothing printable or indeed understandable. Will this victory start a fashion for wearing gloves or eyepatches? Only time will tell.